Yesterday, I secured my nomination for the Horrible Mother Award. And, while I don't think I completely severed the tie that binds me to Boden, I'm certain I wore it thin.
Boden has been biting my sensitive lady parts while nursing and, if you've never had yours chomped on, a) don't and b) it really flippin' hurts. At first, it seemed purely unintentional--an accidental bite-down as he drifted to sleep and then jerked awake or a little nibble as he was readjusting his position. Occasions that of course made me wince with pain, but I could overlook and pray they didn't happen again. Yesterday, though, it was clearly intentional. We sat down for snuggle time in the afternoon and Boden bit down hard and then pulled back to look at me with a "so what do you think about that?" look. I said "No, no" and changed his position. Again, bite down, pull away and look at mama for a reaction. This time, it really hurt and brought tears to my eyes. I said "No. You do not bite mama." in a stern I-mean-business-mister tone.
And then I immediately regretted it. His face went from a look of wide surprise and then crumpled into total despair. He cried inconsolably for 45 minutes. And I cried, too.
When it was over, we went on with the day, played a bit and I thought, well, even though that was awful, maybe he learned biting mama's sensitive lady parts is not okay.
When it came time to nurse before bed, though, I realized I did greater damage than I intended. He would not nurse and screamed for half an hour before he finally just fell asleep in my arms while I rocked him.
He has nursed since this incident, but it's clear that I irrevocably changed our relationship and I'm very angry with myself. What's most bothersome is that beforehand, anticipating such an incident, I read several things on what to do if your baby intentionally bites while nursing. And, no surprise, there is conflicting advice. One confirmed what I did and the other said absolutely do not do what I did. Way to go.
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